Ryuzaki's Sorrow
by Creative Katherine
Summary: Ryuzaki wasn't used to the Grieving process. He had always loved Watari but never allowed himself to show it. Now it was hitting him full on, aswell as guilt. He felt...lost. Extreme OOCness for fun. Warning: Character Death.


**Authors Note: Hey it's me again, this time with a one shot focusing on L and Watari (well mainly with Watari dead and how Ryuzaki tries to cope). This one shot was just for fun, a short one to work on. I wanted to show Ryuzaki's humanity and how the Task Force would be willing to give their support to him. If I had taken this more seriously I could have put alot more but as said before, this one was just for fun. In all honesty, I currently have alot of one shots focusing on L after Watari's death. I feel the only time when Ryuzaki would be more open with feelings is if something happened to his father figure. Also to me it makes it more realistic so that I don't feel it's entirely out of character when I show Ryuzaki being all emotional. So yeah, as said before, I may submit the other one shots aswell, add them onto this one perhaps. Also, thanks to everyone who faved!**

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><p>He was in his own world nowadays, mostly in a daze… even though he himself didn't know it.<p>

Since Watari's passing, he had felt a huge amount of guilt and responsibility. If he had calculated sooner, then Watari would be alive. It was his fault. He shouldn't have lived. He was the one who took on Kira in the first place. L, The World Class private detective should be dead….

Or was he? Was this Kira's way of killing him? For he certainly felt dead inside… Even though he looked like his usual monotone image on the outside.

But right now, he was just thinking…staring at Watari's photo in front of him that he had put before his computer, in a photo frame on his desk.

The others were all huddled round behind him, discussing with each other about the Kira Case.

But he didn't pay any attention.

He felt he couldn't as of late…as if he had already failed his mission of completing the case. Especially when he lost someone…the only person in the World who cared for him and knew him. It was hard to even think of the Kira case in this point in time.

And whenever he _did _put his mind to the case, he felt the guilt overwhelm him and all his insecurities come to the surface. Something that never _normally_ happened.

He had never let his emotions get in the way before…so why was he letting it happen now? He had tried so desperately to take his mind off Watari but it's like the old man haunted him…he just wouldn't let Ryuzaki be in peace…or so it seemed.

So it begs the question since obviously his guilt was consuming him…Could he be trusted with this case? What if the others were killed? They would be his responsibility too…then how would he deal with that? Too many lives had been taken already.

The transmission from the Countdown device Watari had set up just in case of emergency had served it's purpose. The transmission had been sent on the day of his death. But he didn't let the others at Whammy's know about himself.

His own timer was in need of resetting. He was to reset it today.

A small part of him had contemplated not resetting it. Let Near and Mello take over, after all it's all they wanted. Perhaps L just wasn't fit to work anymore and needed replacing with younger people

Getting something wrong, when 99 percent of the time he was right, was a real blow on him.

Another part of him argued that he was just letting his emotions get in the way therefore he was acting irrationally and couldn't think straight. His usual nature would never even _consider _abandoning a case. After all, he had always secretly loved his detective work even if he gave an impression otherwise. But…no, It wasn't the sense of achievement…no, he hadn't felt that in a long time. When one case closed, he instantly went onto another one. He never had time to celebrate the victory.

No…what made him like his work was the praise he received from a certain old man…

…who was now deceased.

…

Watari had never forced him to be a detective. It had been L's own decision. Once he had unintentionally solved a case without even thinking of it, which is how he originally got into the detective work.

The sheer adrenaline and excitement that had come from that lone case had made him want to instantly do more. That's when he had first put his eyes on the list of cases the Police couldn't solve. Due to him finding it easy with wrapping up each case, he had continued on ever since.

…And Watari had stuck with whatever decision L made…

…He never questioned…never argued…

Suddenly something startled him out of his trance, his eyes slowly going from Watari's photo to the metallic technology poking out of his pocket, feeling it vibrate against his leg.

He withdrew it, taking a moment to look at the name on the screen before opening it up.

"Yes" He said, not noticing the voices in the background drop, his attention solely focused on the speaker at the other end.

His eyes unconsciously trailed back to the photo frame in front of him as the speaker declared they had received the body and had embalmed his previous father figure, ready for Ryuzaki to collect to go home, his body preserved for the trip back to England.

A shaky hand went to the photo frame, fingers delicately touching the glass protecting a photo of said man before returning by his side, clenching and unclenching his fist before letting it rest shakily on one of his knees.

He hadn't been able to keep still all day.

Finances were then discussed, Ryuzaki listened closely. Instantly he felt tears prick at his eyes at the thought of Watari's body lying on a slab, the embalmer only interested in payment.

"Yes, I am the one taking care of the finances. Payment will be in your back account within the next two days… Yes…he was held delicately as requested I presume? Or should I personally take a look just to confirm you have not performed carelessly as if he's just a objec- No? Good. I expect nothing less and will take nothing less. I have seen how people in your profession handle things and do not-" A hint of anger was evident in his words as he cut himself off listening to the other end.

"Very good, after all, we wouldn't like the incident with my friend M to happen again…do you remember? the one you called a ticking time bomb? Yes, he wasn't atall flattered by that saying...Good because you know that I could make your company vanish with a click of my fing-"

"Yes…he was a good man. A gentle man. It is only right he gets the best treatment and is handled gently. It is my duty to make sure of this personally. I warn you I wont take it lightly if I get there and he isn't."

Tears were pushed back, straightening his spine before letting it return to his hunched position before taking another small deep breath and bringing the photo frame in his thumb and forefinger to hover in front of his eyes.

"I see…well then that is fine. I can possibly bare that. So he is ready for collection. I will… come immediately... No…I will be there to also carry. Wait for my presence before proceeding, If I dare see anything I'm against then M will join me. Good. I am glad we have come to an agreement. I will be there soon. I will take him home."

With that he slowly closed the mobile, his other hand putting the photo frame back down on his desk.

He just stared at the screens in front of him, his body still and unmoving as millions of thought processes focused on Watari. He was desperately trying to keep his emotions at bay, but it was so very hard when everything was hitting him full force.

Guilt ran through his veins.

If only he had been quicker…

His performance in this case was below standard…

…what's wrong with him?

…Why can't he get anything right lately?

…

"Ryuzaki…are you alright?" Soichiro's concerned voice came out of nowhere.

He blinked and blinked again before slowly turning his head to the side, looking behind him. The Task Force were standing a few paces away, all watching him with concern. Everyone seemed to look slightly shocked.

Just then he realised that the others had heard everything he had said.

Another mistake.

Now they know Watari was close to him after all.

What's wrong with him?

Why was he being so foolish?

He was on the Kira Case, how could he forget the Task Force were here? How careless was he? He had never made such a mistake in all his life!

"Ryuzaki…that was about Watari, wasn't it?" Came Light's cautious voice out of nowhere. "...And who's M?" Light seeming to ask for all those who witnessed Ryuzaki's phone call.

Ryuzaki looked back over his shoulder to the source of voice only to see Light getting up from his space on the sofa that resided near the main desk himself and Ryuzaki worked at, his vision now solely on the detective in front of him, ignoring the papers littering the coffee table he had been previously revising.

Ignoring the question concerning M, Ryuzaki turned back to the screens in front of him. Auto pilot setting in.

In a quiet voice;

"I am going away for a couple of days. My absence will be temporary. I shall return by Wednesday. Please continue on with the investigation…You have my number for any emergencies. Use it if you see fit or have a breakthrough in the Kira investigation." He stated mechanically, as his mobile vibrated telling him his ride was here.

"I must go. My transport is here."

"Wait…What? Hold on… hold on, where are you going? You're just leaving just like that? This is all too sudden! Talk about give short notice!" Aizawa asked confused.

"What? Where are you going? And you'll definitely be back right?" Matsuda asked in a slightly worried tone.

"Aizawa please calm down. Ryuzaki…do you need someone to accompany you? Cane we do anything for you?" Soichiro asked, concern written clearly on his face.

"No. You can't…and please do not worry. I will be fine Mr. Yagami."

"Are you sure you will be alright? Can you not tell us where you're going atall?"

"You have my number Mr. Yagami. I will take my phone if you need me for any investigatory purposes."

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><p>The black sedan pulled up to the funeral site, children from Whammy's house gathered around the burial of Watari, the previous founder of their home.<p>

Roger could be clearly seen from the tinted Windows of Ryuzaki's sedan, the older man holding a laptop, the letter L being in the middle, the technology held high for all of the children gathered to see.

Unknown to the children around, the real L was in the sedan just a few yards away, watching everything from his camera in the backseats.

Matt, Mello and Near were gathered, along with many other faces including the incredible artist Linda who was standing opposite Watari's coffin.

"It is a sad day for all. Watari was a good man. A gentle man. He is the reason we are all still alive today. He is our saviour, a respectable man who not only has served many years by my side loyally, but also an incredible and intelligent person who used his talent to help others. Many devices he created are inexplicably complex showing just how intelligent and in depth his whole persona was."

"Rest in Peace Watari. Thank you."

…_For everything._

Just as he finished his speech through filters, Watari's coffin was lowered to the ground. Ryuzaki's mind whirled, tears once again pricking at his vision, pain striking his heart... so much so he had to turn the cameras off, staring at nothing in particular as he couldn't supress his hurting any longer.

Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he absentmindedly swiped them away with his white shirt.

He sniffed as he look up at the ceiling of the inside of the car, memories of Watari striking him every which way.

He was thankful there was a tinted window between himself and the driver of the vehicle. He didn't want anyone witnessing.

"L" A voice came not too far away.

L immediately swiped the hair out of his face and wiped his nose on the back of his hand before fidgeting as he came to turn round to his half open tinted window.

Upon seeing grey eyes peering into his car with a blanket of white locks above them, his mouth moved unconsciously, L himself surprised to hear his voice slightly cracked.

"…Hello Near."

Near however didn't seem to notice.

Thankfully.

"…May I come in?" Near asked politely but also as quietly.

Ryuzaki once again swiped at his face in a quick motion, his hand that was out out sight trying to clear up any evidence that he was grieving before turning back to the younger outside.

Unfortunately he knew there was still a ninety five percent chance that Near would notice he was upset. However, all he could do was accept the offer and try to improvise in making himself more presentable whilst Near got into the car.

"…Yes." He said quietly.

Near opened the door, Ryuzaki taking this opportunity to turn his head away and fix his hair, wipe away any moisture on his face and rub his eyes.

The albino then came to sit on a seat opposite L as he closed the door, his eyes instantly going to L's form, studying the older male.

L stared back with glazed over eyes as he returned to his normal crouch sitting position, not knowing what else to do. His brain was hazy- auto pilot still on.

"You are grieving." Near stated after observing the detective.

That didn't take long.

He knew he wouldn't be able to fool Near.

"…" L remained silent not knowing what to say. He wasn't familiar with the grieving process. He had, in all his years, never had to be.

"Where is Matt and Mello? They were with you last time I saw." Ryuzaki's voice came out slightly roughly making him instantly clear his throat to try and cover up the sound.

"…They went back inside. They didn't notice you were here." Near said quietly, eyes seeming to look at every inch of L's form, studying the odd detective.

"I see." Ryuzaki said, his voice still slightly croaky making him cough to try and make his mood more discreet.

Near studied the black haired male before him, Near's own mouth in a thin line, and though his face was as hard as stone, his eyes held a slightly sympathetic look to the raven detective.

…

"…Linda gave this to me. She said to give this to you if I saw you." His small voice sounded as his head turned to his pockets.

Near took several A4 sized rolled papers out of his pockets, the sheets firmly rolled with an elastic band keeping them in place before passing them to the older.

L immediately eyed them curiously before hesitantly taking them, his hands remaining in mid air for a short while before receiving them, unrolling them and studying the paper.

Sketch upon sketch in different media was laid out on the papers, all different poses of his father figure drawn out expertly with incredibly skill. They looked so life-like, graphite smudged evenly out to make the skin third dimensional, his suit incredibly identical to the one he wore in his daily lifestyle.

Linda certainly lived up to her reputation.

Spotting writing on the back of one of the sheets, he turned it over, seeing a small scribble of some sort.

_To _L_ from __L__._

Shuffling the cards in his hand his eyes came still on to one of the pictures.

Watari was standing in his usual attire, his figure drawn with cross hatching, and face toned once again by smudged graphite. He was smiling, eyes warm and bright, love radiating from his form, the whole picture consisting of incredible skill as if it was a grey scaled photo.

…

Something reached out to L with this photo. He couldn't explain it. It was as if…Watari's very essence had been captured in this lose sketch. The others were just as incredible, but this work really stood out to him…this had the most… _feeling _and _life_.

L took his time studying the Art, taking in every detail of the drawn figure.

His Father Figure.

His Saviour.

Ryuzaki then turned his head to the albino with the drawings still held delicately between his thumb and fore finger, the paper suspended in the air. "Thank you Near. Please thank her on my behalf." he said before looking back to the drawing.

Near's eyes didn't leave the raven haired man, reminding L, who saw the younger detective-to-be out of the corner of his eyes, reminding L of his childhood with Watari.

Near reminded him a lot of when he himself was a child. One who was confused and scared of the outside world.

Back when he didn't have any power.

"Will you be staying long?" Nears mouth suddenly moved, his voice quiet and calm.

L was mainly in his own world, his thoughts still on Watari when Near's question came out of nowhere.

Even though Near was anti-social, even he understood L needed some space right now so he avoided asking personal questions.

"No. I shall be going back tomorrow."

"…" Near kept quiet studying L, the severity of the statement registering.

He knew L might not come back again.

"You should see Mello and Matt before heading back…Goodbye, L. You have my sympathies." Were his last respectful words before exiting the car leaving the quiet detective to his thoughts.

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><p>The elevators pinged as he stepped in to the main Task Force room, his mind focusing on one thing.<p>

He walked in, the others instantly turning their heads at his presence.

"Ryuzaki! It's great to- Woah! you look really exhausted! Are you alright?" Came Matsuda's voice.

"Ryuzaki, you look really tired!" Light couldn't help but also comment.

"Oh…yes…I do apologise." L said in a small voice as he slumped onto one of the sofas not too far from the main desk. Instantly his legs were drawn up to him as his arms came to also rest on his thighs, his hands hanging over his knee caps with papers in his grasp, head bowing between his drawn up legs. "Please, forgive me for my lack of professionalism. I am admittedly, very…very tired."

Everyone glanced at each other just then.

"…It's okay Ryuzaki. We don't know where you've been, but what ever you've had to do has most probably been very stressful. You look really exhausted."

"Yes…" was a muffled voice that came from Ryuzaki, who still had his head down.

"Ryuzaki, can I get you anything?" Soichiro Yagami immediately offered.

"…" silence met their ears, concerned expressions instantly appearing, everyone stepping away from their working area to get a better look at the detective.

Soichiro walked over, coming to hover next to the youth's head, examining his face.

L's eyes were closed and slow breathing could be heard.

Instantly he withdrew.

"Dad is he…?"

"He's okay…just tired. He also seems to be jet lagged." Soichiro commented thoughtfully and gently.

"Yeah, I can spot those signs anywhere." Aizawa commented.

Suddenly something was heard drop to the floor, everyone's eyes going to Ryuzaki before seeing some papers on the floor that were curled at the edges indicating they had previously been rolled up.

Senior Yagami instantly went to the papers, picking them up carefully as to not damage the work.

Instantly he adjusted his glasses, examining what was on there.

"What is it Dad?" Light asked before coming round to his father's side and looking at the paper, everyone soon following after.

"That's-"

"Watari" Matsuda said sadly, cutting Aizawa's sentence.

"…It must be hard on him…" Soichiro stated gently.

"Yeah, poor Ryuzaki. These are really amazing…" Matsuda said just as quietly.

"We shouldn't let him know we've seen these." Light instantly stated, looking to his father.

"You're right. I'll put it to the side of him for now. No one speak a word of this, It really was none of our business." Soichiro glanced at each Member, everyone silently agreeing by nodding.

"…I'll… get a blanket." Soichiro said after a few minutes. The older man went over to Ryuzaki's form and rolled the sheets up tightly so they wouldn't lose their hold so quickly and placed them on the space next to the sleeping detective's seat before going for the item.

All held a sympathising look as they studied the tired detective.

_That day was the day that changed every Task Force Member's view about the Super Sleuth, forcing them to see his humanity, now knowing the detective did have emotions and did care for somebody._

_A day however, that they also realised he was only human and would need to take the next few days slowly, knowing the detective was fragile and needed slight protection and care if he was now to get through the case without the person he treasured._

**_What L didn't know however, was that they had all silently agreed to these Terms at the very beginning._**


End file.
